around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
