your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
