i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
