I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
