ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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