On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
