Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
