Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
