i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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