dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
