she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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