dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
