I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
