Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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