I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
