So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
