WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
