I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
