he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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