the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
