Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
