I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
