Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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