He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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