There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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