Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
