I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dick very happy bro
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
