You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
