You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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