I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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