dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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