the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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