She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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