Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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