you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
