So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
