I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
