dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
