Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
