You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
