I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
