I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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