She said her name was "party"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Congratulations! We have a period
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