Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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