I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
