I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
