Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
