If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
