dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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