Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
