He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
