i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
