Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
