i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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